


Go as far as you can

by swansets



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-05-29 02:57:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15063500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swansets/pseuds/swansets
Summary: Post 05x13, three years after Brian and Justin breakup, the painter discovers Brian is in New York in the most unusual way. But even knowing this, Justin tries to focus on the events of his life, not knowing that soon he would fall in Brian Kinney's trap, once again.





	1. Part one

**District of East Village, New York, September 22 - 2008**

There was something different about that painting, which I stared at for some time, maybe forty minutes. It was different about how my fingers had moved to represent the uniqueness of wet paint on the brush and ride across a masterpiece... That surely would be at the time of application that the recent buyer was requesting. "Show me something I have never seen. Something that will surprise me", he said. Good and _voila_. Something that ended up surprising even me. But there was something different about this new framework... Something that my mind could not explain.

But I also knew if I spent more time looking at my new painting, dinner would be late and I could not continue to hesitate like that when I promised myself I would improve in certain aspects. Which was strange, because when I came to New York two years ago, painting was the only thing I had stipulated as a priority. Now, somehow, I'd have to pay more attention on my relationship to make it work because it seemed like I was not trying hard enough.

I signed " _Justin Taylor_ " on the bottom and decided to keep it together with other works I left inside the closet in a place where nothing could happen to them. Those works were not for sale, some of them were old and others I simply wanted to keep them with me, like this new one.

In a sudden mood, I sat there and felt the nostalgia fill me by strumming between the middle of each painting and watching those I kept, even after so much time. I let a faint laugh escape my throat as I realized that most of the pictures were Brian's paintings. They were still there after all, forgotten in some corner of the closet, like the whole story.

I learned that two years go by really fast indeed, and seem to be the perfect time, exactly the time you need to forget someone and get on with your life. Or to think so, at least. That's what happened to me. Over time, even far away, we still had the luxury of connecting to each other sometimes, until it became increasingly scarce, we became more and more busy and ... It does not happen anymore. Actually, I don’t blame him. After all, the persistence of coming to New York was entirely mine. He just supported me.

I left the closet, leaving those thoughts aside and wondering what I would do to Matthew for dinner. We’ve been dating for several months. He was on his way to something serious. I knew he loved me. And just for my part, I just needed to give myself a little more.

I decided to make a simple meatloaf and some salad. My boyfriend arrived around 7:00 pm and brought me a bouquet of flowers. And it made me smile because it was so damn cliché but something inside me loved it.

We had dinner at 8:00 p.m. We had a hot, passionate sex right after that. And it seemed like we were finally getting on the rails and making it real.

"I want you to marry me." he said, making me laugh. It was impossible not to remember my traumatic experiences with marriages before. It was like a trauma now. Totally a trauma.

"No, I can not. Marriage is a ritual that gay men do to imitate heteros. And I know, that sounded extremely heteronormative, maybe because I learned the best from that." I released the smoke from the cigarette I was holding, letting it spread in the air.  
He loved smoking after a good fuck. Maybe he'd learned that from the best too.

Matt sat back on the bed and stared at me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I stared at him. "No."

"Right." I heard his long sigh. "Justin, I thought we agreed on..."

"That I would try harder. Right. Is not that what I'm doing?"

I felt he meant it when he met my eyes. "That means you're not ready to take a next step, I do not want to force anything. But you did not even think about it. Maybe some divine intervention will change your mind..."

I ended up laughing, tapping it lightly. "Okay. I'll think about it, okay? It's a big step."

"I know. And we've gotten much better by then. And I know... Your old relationship had left you broken in the way I found you. Drinking, cheating and painting as if you just needed it to survive. But thank God, we found each other. I want you to be happy with me."

I thought it was strange the way he spoke, it seemed that he was saving me from something when I felt that I was perfectly well, even though I was diagnosed with depression at the time. I sighed, kissing him. "I am fine. We're fine now, aren’t we?"

"Right. Now, if I may..." I smiled, letting him turn my back so we could have the second round.

I slept like a baby after that, but I woke up too early. It was a Thursday, and I knew I needed to wake Matt up to work, but at the right time. It was still too early and I could prepare him breakfast.

It was freezing a little. A few crusts of ice clung to my hair as I set my foot outside, holding a hot coffee and seeing that the newspaper was already there. Generally, I was never into reading the news in the morning, but Matthew was an economist and I got used to doing him this favor.

I picked up the newspaper, entered the house and threw it on the table. But I frowned at the material at the moment I saw its cover, which finally caught my attention.

**"CEO of the most successful advertising company in three years opens its branch in New York"**

I took another sip, absorbing the impact of the news. I did not know exactly what I was feeling. It was a weird mix like... I'm afraid and proud. Panic and anxiety. I felt totally weird.

The rest of the story spoke as Brian Kinney got the award for best advertising agency every year after opening his own agency and never losing the way to bring innovation to his brand. Amazing. Really the best of the best.

I took another sip, sitting in my chair and thinking about it. Kinnetic. Thinking about the name I created for his company only made me feel a little pain now, making me feel dizzy. Because deep down inside, he knew he would always remember me as he thought about the reason for that name, the meaning behind it. He would never forget that, just as he thought he did. Just like so many other things...

I sighed impatiently, running a hand through my hair. He was really proud that Kinnetic had become a success that expanded worldwide. It was deserved, he was sure of it. Undoubtedly. He was the kind of businessman he had always wanted to be and now he had succeeded. He felt a warm tenderness inside his chest at the thought of it. But ... It was Brian Kinney, after all. He never missed a trick. Not that I was being presumptuous enough to think that I would be doing it because of myself after so long-even because we had not had any contact-because I was not. It was only convenient. Well, I certainly knew that he was coming to look for me, and that was the reason for all the fear. I knew I would. The question was... How would I feel about a reunion after all this time? Did I really want it? Was it ready?

"Good morning, baby." I heard Matt approaching sleepily and kissing my cheek. "Oh, you took the newspaper, thank you."

"Yes. I'll make breakfast. Wait a minute."

And as I flipped the pancakes, watching Matt reading the economics section, I realized I could get used to it easily. Maybe a child running around the house and having to be awakened to go to school.

I set by the table, putting the right amount of honey and butter, smiling towards him. "By the way, I'll take it. Where's the goddamn wedding ring?"

Matthew stared wide-eyed at me, but something inside me could only make out Brian's smile on the cover of the newspaper, which stared at me almost accusingly.

I just might be going crazy.


	2. part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I indicate the song "Nervous, The neighborhood" to listen with to reading the chapter :)

**[2]**

**Three days later**

_**“ Y** ou got me nervous to speak_  
_So I just won't say anything at all” -_  
_Nervous, The Neighborhood._

  
I stared at the ring that now adorned my finger with no interest. Maybe I was just distracted by the recent events that shaped my life but just thinking about organizing a whole marriage... A discouraged sigh escaped my mouth. I knew exactly who to call if I wanted to put a little effort into it, even though I felt a little guilty. Emmett was still the best party planner I knew and so the news would be quicker in Pittsburgh's ears. But was that really what I wanted?

I picked up my cell phone, seeing it was still early, around nine in the morning. But Elio would be late anyway. He always was. We had agreed to meet in the cafeteria we always went to, After all, The Bakers was one of the best in the area. The scent of the warm slices of bread next to the yummy coffee chased you everywhere, once you got in or out. It was one of the greatest qualities of the place. But that idiot was late and I did not trust being left alone with my thoughts lately.

When I thought about calling him, the pianist came in with curly, disheveled hair and passed by the door. I narrowed my eyes as if accusing him and so I noticed a customary complicity - almost guilty - and I was melted with the incredible smile that Elio Perlman had. We had met about seven months after arriving in New York since he had been the pianist who had hired one of my first vernissages in the city. After getting drunk together at the event, I won a fixed pianist for my vernissages and a best friend.

"So... are we celebrating here?" It was the first thing he asked as he sat down in front of me in an amused tone as he took off his coat and asked for a latte with honey. As usual. "Or is it going to be one of those indecisive and confusing conversations that will make me scold you in the end?"

I laughed but shrugged. "I don’t know," I replied timidly. "It's just this whole wedding thing that-"

"Are you making him anxious and confused? So why the hell did you take it?" I loved the way Elio simplified things. The Italian accent made it sound like he was scolding me, even when he was not.

I took a sip of the coffee in front of me with a sigh. "I don’t know… I said was going to think, and suddenly I was there, saying yes." I frowned, deciding to hide in part the relapsing moment of the newspaper. "But that's not exactly what I want to talk to you about. Besides the wedding, there's something much more troubling coming... Like, a black cloud?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Justin?" He laughed weakly. "I thought your exposure fear was passed at least for now."

I shook my head, rolling my eyes. "No, that's not it. I always get nervous about exposure, but that's not it." I picked up the paper from the corner of the table, opening it and showing the great news to him. "Brian's here."

"What?" He opened his eyes wide, reading the news eagerly. Of course, he knew who Brian was, we'd told our tragic love stories to each other in a few days of friendship. I had felt an incredible connection with Elio at first, besides being the person who accompanied me in the process of being in love with someone again, who insisted that I give Matthew a chance, which I accepted and I did not regret it.

My best friend eventually raised his head, staring at me without saying anything and closing the newspaper. "And? What should that mean?"

"I don’t know, world domination? It's Brian's way." I laughed weakly. "But he's going to look for me. I know he will. I'm already getting ready for the Stepford husbands jokes, but ... I don’t know exactly how I feel about this." I ended up hugging myself, a troubled look on my face. "You know, he's the guy I almost married. In a way, we have a history of ups and downs... There is no way to turn off or forget completely, you know? I’m not angry at him, or spiteful. We just went in different directions..."

"Well, it's still an assumption. But something tells me, Justin, that you'll know exactly what to do when he shows up." He smiled fondly, squeezing my hand. I sighed with relief, trusting him. It was all I needed. Someone who would tell me that I would know exactly what to do, for I knew it. I was just... stunned by the news.

We ended up leaving and went to the studio since Elio took a different way because he had a class in the afternoon. It would be okay. I just needed to convince myself that.

[-]

It was the second painting I completed in less than a day, which was a bit unusual since I was not at a peak of creativity. It rarely happened, and by the time it happened, I'd end up locked in the studio for days, being nurtured and watched only by Matthew or Elio, who quickly realized what my absence meant.

But this time it was not and could feel a mixture of euphoria and nervousness. Almost anxiety. And as always, I could not explain why that sensation filled me.

I was awakened from my thoughts by the ring of my cell phone. It was Matthew warning that he would be home a little later that night because of some business at work. I did not question him, asking him to take care of himself and not work himself to the point of exhaustion, which seemed a little hypocritical coming from me. He laughed, wishing me the same and saying that he loved me. I turned off the phone.

The cold autumn weather worsened the thermal sensation of the whole city, making me want to buy another hot coffee before going home. It should have been around 50ºF, but it was not freezing, at least not for now. I sighed, knowing winter would come soon.

I bought a coffee on the way, wrapping myself tighter in my coat, and headed home.

[-]

It was a little over eleven at night. I was watching TV absently and playing with my toes, which were cold, thinking of calling Matt and asking how much longer he would be, when the bell rang.

I frowned, finding it strange that someone would visit at that hour. It could only be Elio since Matthew had the key to my apartment.

I looked through the peephole and felt my heart miss a beat. Shit, it's a good thing I was alone after all.

I opened the door slowly, staring at Brian Kinney and his cynical smile in front of me, holding two bottles of wine in his hands.

"Look, It’s the beautiful New Yorker Stepford. Hey, sunshine! Santa Rita or Isla Negra?" He asked me in a beautiful Spanish accent, already entering the house and asking me which wine I preferred as if he had an extreme doubt about it. So mocking. It was really the same person I knew. I would never admit to having missed that nickname.

I smiled weakly at him. "I told you that you can not go into people's houses like that."

He shrugged, placing the wines on the nearby American bench and pulling out a cigarette. "I was around and I decided to pay a visit. Nice place. Very... Wet." He said looking around and wanted to laugh. "What's the news here in New York? Any new clubs for fun? Too many places to fuck?"

He threw himself on the couch, smiling astutely as if he had already become very familiar with the place.

"I don’t know." I sighed, hugging myself in an unconscious instinct. "It's been a long time since I've gone out like this to have fun. But apparently, you're still the same. How's Babylon going?"

He grimaced as if he was extremely disappointed and went to get two glasses, opening one of the wines. Brian came over to answer me.

"Fabulous. You know, it's as they say... Anything can happen, but thumpa thumpa never stops." I laughed and I saw him smile too. I handed him the cup, which he took without hesitation.

"This town is a complete rush. I miss the lull of the Pitts sometimes."

Brian took a sip of his wine and sighed. "Surely there must be more interesting twinks to fuck around here. By the way, my congratulations for being an imminent success... Your works are already being recognized internationally. I heard your name from an investor the other day. He said he was a prowling popular talent here from NY and blah blah blah." He praised, pacing around and seeming to be evaluating my apartment clinically.

I did not know Brian was following my career, and that surprised me a little. "Thanks, I..."

"I thought you'd be rich by now." He said as if he rolled his eyes at my simple decorating style. Or maybe my simple life. Typical of him.

"Who says I'm not?" I fumbled as I sat in the nearby chair. He stared at me deeply and my air stopped in the middle of my throat. I cut eye contact. "Uh, I..."

"Have a boyfriend? I’m not surprised. We're on good terms here, sunshine. Don’t worry." I could feel his look on my face, which made me even more ashamed.

"I'm engaged, actually." I swallowed hard, finally facing him again. His eyes were inscrutable, as always. The silence prevailed for some time. "We can make dinner if you want, it would be great, and-"

"Of course." He replied humorlessly, putting his hand inside the pocket of his coat. "Get in touch with Cynthia, I do not know exactly when I'll have time for some engagement."

I rolled my eyes, standing. "And you, congratulations on Kinnetic’s growth." I rested my hand on his shoulder, squeezing there and giving him a grin. "I'm proud of you."

He smiled back, putting his hand over mine and squeezing, but then pulling it away. "It's all about business, after all. So, I'm going to need a tour of the best places in this city, then... Friends?"

He held out his hand, making me laugh. "We've always been friends, idiot. But yes, that's fine."

It was a brief squeeze, but I felt that feeling, the sinking stomach, the shivers in my arm hairs, the lack of gravity around me... Just with Brian's firm touch wrapping my hand. It was so... Nostalgic.

"Later." He said goodbye in his usual way, already heading for the door.

"Bye." I murmured low, watching him leave, and spent three minutes staring at the door. Or three seconds, I don’t know.

I walked to the door, leaning against it and trying to calm my fast breathing. My face was on fire. I had not had a panic attack for a long time, but something was eating me inside, biting me like memories of a forgotten time, now vivid in my mind.

I let some tears escape and crawled to the bed, wrapping myself in the comforter. A few hours later, I felt someone come inside the blanket, hugging me from behind and breathed in relief from having some point of refuge. Now I could finally close my eyes.

I just wasn’t ready for who I was imagining there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank Kari for helping me with the translation of the story into English. I am very grateful and forgive me for mistakes! hahaha. I promise to be better, for all of you. Thank you for continuing to read my story <3


	3. Part three

**Two days later**

  


The air cooled much faster than I imagined. I put on a thicker coat to leave the house that day, realizing I was in New York and that the weather was totally unpredictable there. I'd need two coffees and a baguette before I went to the studio, so I made my way to The Bakers, rethinking the conversation I'd had with Matthew that morning...

 

"Are you telling me that your ex-anything showed up here in the middle of the night yesterday?" He glanced over the newspaper, frowning and taking a sip of his coffee.

 

"Yes. Saying that wanted some company here in NY since he didn't know anyone and brought wine. Do you believe that he asked if we could be friends? It was funny." I shook my head, laughing at the moment, but Matthew did not seem to find funny.

 

"It seems to me a plausible question before everything that has happened. And that's it? "

I did not like the question and I raised an eyebrow at him.

 

"We didn’t end up fighting. I’m not angry with Brian. And yes, that's all, what's the big deal? " He made a shrug that I knew was something like 'just ask' and snorted impatiently, going into the bedroom.

 

"Justin..." He came after me as he had just opened the shower. "I have the right to be worried, okay? It's not every day that your ex knocks on someone's door and we know that." He looked uncomfortable and I sighed, moving closer and holding his face.

 

"Don’t worry. Nothing happened and we're just friends. I don’t really think he's going to show up again, but if he shows up, I've arranged to have dinner together." He did not seem to like the idea with his expression and I pressed my hands into his face. "Matt... Brian was the man who saved my life when I'd just been attacked and was bleeding on the floor of a parking lot. And you know this. He's important to me, in my life story, he’s always going to be. It will be good for you to meet him. "

 

My fiancé sighed, nodding his head. "It's alright. I understand you. Even…"

 

"Nothing will happen, you just need to trust me. Now let's stop talking and come and shower with me." I smiled sweetly at him, with a slight suggestion behind my words. At least we could express ourselves through sex, a skill I had learned from Brian Kinney. It was not as if I could forget, after all, it was one of the things we did best.

 

[-]

 

As soon as I entered the cafeteria, I greeted the people I already knew, as usual, because I was always there. I thought about calling Elio and asking him if he wanted to do something that afternoon when Brian just happened to appear at my side.

 

I frowned, an amused smile sprouting on my lips. "Are you following me?"

 

He pretended to notice my existence only at that moment. "Ah, it's you." He laughed sarcastically at my question. "I know that would be your dream, but no. Cynthia said this place had a good breakfast."

 

I nodded, agreeing with her. "It really is the best place. I always come."

 

"And anyway, it's close to where I'm staying for now." We took our orders and headed to a table nearby. Talking naturally to Brian. I could only be dreaming.

 

"Do you plan to stay for a long time?" I asked, genuinely interested.

 

He sighed, stretching his arms. "I need to pay more attention to the bills from now on as they require a bit more hard work and it's inconvenient to keep coming back to Pitts all the time. So yeah, I'm looking for a place to stay. I've been researching some places, although nothing here is cheap."

 

I ended up laughing at that. "Welcome to New York, baby. I was lucky to find my studio for a relatively low price, although it’s only rented. But things here are not cheap. Nothing is. But I think money is no longer a problem for you, with the way Kinnetik expanded so much in a short time." I smiled, squeezing the coffee in my hands.

 

He shrugged and I knew what that meant. That I was right. Brian was rich enough to buy a good place in NY. He was just wary.

 

"You were luckier than I was then. The building where I started Kinnetik here was not what I'd call cheap. But since it was a good investment, I signed the check without complaining."

 

"Was it in a good spot? Oh, I'd like to see it. I expect it to follow the same model you set up in the Pitts." I joked and he smiled, sipping his coffee.

 

"Yes, on Maple Avenue. I think you would enjoy it. I have to go now." It was still early, but Brian was already in a hurry. He was nervous, but it was imperceptible to a normal person. He probably had scheduled some important meeting early so he did not want to be late. I was startled to notice that Brian had not changed at all and I still knew him better than anyone else.

 

"Hey, relax. It's going to be all right here, you're a lucky idiot, have you forgotten that? " I squeezed his shoulder as usual.

 

"I forgot how being your friend does my ego well, Sunshine. Goodbye." He left and I laughed, just after him.

 

"If I find any property, I'll let you know," I warned before we left.

 

He stopped, staring at me for a moment, and his thumb caressed the middle of my forehead. "That would be great, thank you."

 

I continued to my studio with hot cheeks and restless hands in my pockets, thinking of the unexpected affection of my friend until then, thinking that he had not said anything about dinner. By the way, how should I do that, then? I needed Elio's advice for a change.

 

[-]

 

"Why did I have such a stupid idea anyway?" I complained as I threw myself on the rug of my best friend's living room. It was made with Egyptian fiber or something. It was wonderful and I wanted one for myself, but it was probably too expensive for a still-rising artist like me.

 

Elio seemed focused on the music he was composing I didn’t know much about Elio’s family. I just knew they had good conditions; I just had the opportunity to meet his mother one day and she was wonderful to me. His father was sick, but he was an extremely intelligent man and had done several master's degrees, everyone knew that. Elio had told me about a time where they received guests in Italy for the opportunity to learn and teach with him. Even today, when we go out on the street, he is recognized by someone.

 

"Why were you nervous and wanting to calm down with Matthew? So I ask you, why do you do this to yourself? "

 

I snorted, squirming. "I don’t know if I'm ready to have dinner with Brian and Matthew. Nobody can handle Brian's personality for a long time, and Matthew is too explosive. It's going to cause chaos and I want to avoid that. "

 

"Then avoid it. Pretend it didn’t happen. You're just friends with Brian and it's okay, your relationship is fine too. Don’t mess things up. "

 

"Have I told you today that I love you?"

 

Elio just looked at me with disdain, tapping the pencil on the paper.

 

"And you has a big dick."

 

We laughed together and decided to buy some parfaits to spend the afternoon filling ourselves with candy and talking about randomness, which always happened a lot. After a while I said goodbye, letting him work in peace as I went to my studio to finish some new works.

 

[-]

 

I had just left my studio when my phone rang. It was just the beginning of the night and I frowned at the unknown number on the screen, but I decided to answer anyway.

 

"Where are you?" It was Brian's voice and I smiled, feeling warm inside. Something inside me missed the calls.

 

"Outside my studio, where are you?"

 

"Close by, stay there, I'll pick you up. I need to show you something. "

 

"OK. Do you want the address? "But he had already hung up. He probably had all that information. I had sent it a long time ago. I was surprised to note that he had not forgotten anything.

 

I stood on the sidewalk with my hands in my pockets and watched the cars pass by, noticing how that scene was worthy of a bad romance movie. Could have a good soundtrack at least.

  
  


_24/7 The Neighborhood_ sounded in my mind as Brian beckoned to me of the cab right in front of me and I sighed, following him. That scene could be typical of Brian and Michael... But it certainly was not one of Brian and Justin.

 

"So?" I asked as I took a shot of the cigarette he had offered me and I heard him asking the driver to turn around.

 

"You'll see, Sunshine. Don’t be impatient. "He laughed, looking out the window and shaking his head. I could only have lost my mind.

 

A few moments later, we were on Maple Street Avenue. I walked out, staring at the huge, reddish building in front of me, realizing at once that it had some originality, a strong resilient presence. That was good. It was the face that Kinnetik should have at that moment, to open and explore new ways.

 

"Come on." Facing Brian at my side, he did not really look like the owner of it all. Simple yet sophisticated clothes, almost casual. Even so, it hid so little the imposing predatory lion that he was.

 

I could see some of my paintings scattered across the hall, but I decided not to comment. We went into the elevator to the top floor and somehow I was starting to get nervous. I looked at Brian, who offered me his typical quiet, mysterious smile, making my stomach grow even tighter.

 

I thanked God as we arrived on the top floor and a strong wind hovered overhead, enough to make me shrink inside my coat. "Holy fuck."

 

The view was beautiful. More than beautiful, it was incredible. The whole city lit up and the few stars scattered across the sky... We came to almost the edge of the building and I did not have to look down. "Oh my God, Brian, this is ..."

 

"Amazing? I know." He laughed, then swallowed and I nodded, smiling. I did not know exactly why I was so happy, but I think mainly because Brian wanted to share this memory with me... Exactly like the old days.

 

"It’s wonderful. I think you will be very happy here, you know. New York is full of insects, noisy and humid, but ... It's great for new beginnings. For you, for Kinnetik and ... "

 

"Stop talking," he said in a hard tone that startled me. I looked at him sideways and he had a crease in the middle of his forehead like he was concentrating. "Stop talking, because I can’t kiss you because of all your monogamous bullshit. So stop talking. "

 

"Okay," I mumbled, feeling my cheeks warm as I stared at the horizon, thinking of a kiss from Brian.

 

"Do you keep in touch with the others?" He asked me and I huffed.

 

"Of course! I call Debbie and the girls once a week. I talk to Michael by email on behalf of Rage and Emmett has already come to visit me twice, Ted and Blake have come with him once. Didn't you know?" I smiled, asking for a drag on the cigarette.

 

"No. They treat it like a taboo or something. Fuck it."

 

I sighed, understanding the point of our family. It was a delicate matter, in a way.

 

"You know, thanks... For bringing me here. I'm glad we'll be part of each other's lives again. "

 

"Don’t be a pussy. So... When will you let me meet your fiancé?" I frowned at him, choking on the smoke.

 

"Soon, I hope? Yeah, we can plan something. "

 

"I'm anxious." His tone was totally ironic and I laughed, choking again. Brian caught me off guard and hugged me from behind, holding his cigarette.

 

"You know, Sunshine... Thank you." It was the only thing he said, but I understood. He knew exactly what he was thanking me for. And that's when I wanted to turn and kiss him, but I just squeezed his hand.

 

"It's all right."

  


_“You can't worry 'bout time_

_And you can hit my line like 24/7, 24/7, 24/7_

_I'll be there to listen anytime...”_

_24/7 - The Neighborhood._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people! Thank you for all the affection and attention you are giving to my story, I am very happy! I meant I usually quote The Neighborhood songs because they give me inspiration to write, so that's probably going to keep happening, haha. And again, thanks to Kari for continuing to bet on me and all her patient. I hope I'm getting better!
> 
> PS: Elio is a peach. I'm just saying...


	4. Part four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for the delay, I went through a crisis of lack of creativity, unfortunately. I'll try not to delay to post the next one! Hope you like it :)

**[4]**

 

**Two weeks later**

 

_ "Rest in pieces, peace of mind _

_ Someday we will reunite "- _

_ Jealou$y, The Neighborhood. _

  
  


Somehow, it had become a habit. After only two weeks with Brian going to my studio late at night and taking me to night clubs until I considered it late enough -or drunk enough- I noticed that it was as if we had really gone back to the old days.

 

But my life was different now. There were other things to deal with and my fiance was one of them.

 

It was the late afternoon of some Friday when I met Brian in front of Kinnetik's new headquarters. We walked through the crowds of rushing NY people, chatting excitedly about something in common, their hands gloved in their pockets because of the cold. We were going to  _ The Bakers _ for coffee, and Brian was talking about cigarettes in NY that tastes like shit while ordering me not to laugh too loud.

 

Until Matthew saw us. I stopped for a moment, a little scared, not noticing that I was really close to his work. He came at us with an indecipherable expression and Brian seemed confused about how I had stopped out of nowhere.

 

“Hey, babe.” I wrapped one of my arms around his neck, giving him a kiss that he returned coldly. “We were really going to get you. This is... " Brian raised an eyebrow at my lie, but Matthew spoke before.

 

“Brian Kinney. Most likely. I'm Matthew McCarthy.” They shook hands firmly and Brian already had a sneer on his face, measuring him up and down. "You're the only person who's been stealing my fiance lately, have not you? Too much free time, Mr. Kinney?”

 

“We’re just friends, Mr...?” Matthew cleared his throat, annoyed at having to repeat his last name, and at the moment, I just wanted to get away.

 

“McCarthy.”

 

"Hmm, Brian is opening his branch office here in New York. Like I told you before. So... So, shall we meet for dinner tonight, Brian? We can talk more than.” I decided to interrupt the heavy, weird climate that had settled there, to divert the subject.

 

“Of course. I'm anxious.” He grinned, moving away. “See you, Mr... Whatever.”

 

Matthew snorted and held his hand, practically pulling him to the opposite side to avoid any further confusion. We walked the whole way in silence, but I decided to say it when we got close to home.

 

"Don’t get mad about this. He’s like that with everyone. " I explained as soon as we got into the apartment and took off our coats. “Honey, you're going to have to have a little patience and…”

 

“I don’t like this guy. I really don’t like him.” He looked very angry and I scratched my head.

 

"You want me to call Elio, too?" He looked at me in offense.

 

"What do you think I am, a child? I'm not going to attack that bastard on the table, Justin. I can control myself. But this guy here... It's the last time it's gonna happen. I do not want him involved between us.” Matthew headed for the bedroom, slamming the door hard. I decided not to reply, instead going to the kitchen to make dinner before everything was delayed and the situation worse.

 

[-]

 

"That's it, you can’t put it off any longer. I did what I could, but after that meeting…” I was talking to Elio on the phone, explaining what had happened while he finished baking the chicken. "You should have seen it, it seemed like they were going to be fight at any moment. You need to come, really. It will be impossible to handle this alone.”

 

"What I don’t do for you, eh? But did Brian also take an offensive stance? I thought you said he just wanted to be your friend.”

 

“In fact, he looked more defensive. But that’s just Brian, it just was what it always is.” I sighed, stooping down to see the chicken. "Don’t take too long to get here, Elio.”

 

"Do I need to bring anything?"

 

"Love and peace, please."

 

I heard the laughter on the other end of the line and hung up the phone, putting the hot chicken on the counter and finishing up the preparations for dinner.

 

[-]

 

Elio was the first to arrive, with wine in his hands. Matthew opened the door in that tense stance that I detested and snorted, tearing wine from my best friend's hand.

 

"Do you want to relax?" I complained to Matt while we were in the kitchen and tried to massage his tense shoulders. "You're not going to war, you know?"

 

“Matt, relax. I brought love and peace.” Elio took a bag of marijuana from his pocket, swinging in front of my fiancé with a cynical smile that rolled his eyes.

 

“I'm very calm. You’re exaggerating.”

 

The bell rang again before he finished speaking and I opened it quickly. "Dinner was at 7:00, Brian. It's 8:30 p.m.”

 

“Busy, busy.” He said his usual apology and rolled his eyes, letting him in.

 

"This is Elio Perlman, pianist and my best friend. Elio, this is ... Anyway, you know who it is.”

 

Brian was not shy about evaluating Elio from upstairs and did not judge him. I would do the same if I was single, especially with that awesome smile that the pianist had.

 

Finally Elio said, “Brian Kinney. It’s a pleasure.” Brian did not seem surprised and greeted him in that usual way, that is, intensely and making Elio embarrass himself.

 

I put the chicken on the table with the rest of the food. “Help yourselves.”

 

I hoped nobody would try to kill anyone.

 

The conversation flowed normally in the beginning, Brian explaining about his work to Elio, who had asked and Matthew was strangely quiet, but he sincerely preferred that things continue like this.

 

"I don’t regret starting in Pittsburgh, in fact, if I had accepted the offer to work here years ago, I might not have accomplished everything I have now.” Brian completed and sighed. Of course I remembered that. It was a little before the prom.

 

“I miss the Pitts. I'm thinking of spending Christmas there with the family again. Are the girls going? I miss Gus.”

 

“Most likely. They haven’t told me yet.” He drank his wine and I nodded.

 

"Debbie will be happy to see us there. You're going to love her, Matt, she's like a second mother to me. And so did Brian. Everyone, in fact.”

 

"Mikey doesn’t like this story very much. In fact, I spoke to him yesterday, he and Ben sent you souvenirs." I ended up laughing involuntarily at the thought of something, but I did not want to comment on it. I just nodded carefully and Brian spoke again to me.

 

"Is your hand okay?" Brian asked after a while, looking at it and nodded, understanding the concern.

 

"Sometimes it cramps up a little, but I stop and massage and it's okay.”

 

"This kid's locked up in the studio for a few days if we let him, he’ll even forget to feed himself." Elio filled in with amusement and grimaced, watching Matt sigh impatiently.

 

"He really does that a lot. Be hard on him." Maybe it was his malicious tone. It probably was.

 

“Okay, enough. I'm leaving.” Matthew threw his napkin with anger on the table and went out the door. Brian looked at me with false innocence, lit a cigarette, and followed my fiancé.

 

He was smoking a cigarette and I snipped the smoke from his hand, holding it on his shoulder, but went away. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

 

“With me? There is nothing wrong with me. Do I really have to keep listening to the retrospective session of you and that guy's sexual cues? It's obvious he wants you!”

 

“He doesn't want me! Brian fucks anyone who moves, he's probably fucking Elio right now! What the hell, why can't you just trust me?”

 

"Because you're not anything, Justin.” He smiled sadly, holding my face. “He's your ex-fiancé. He's the guy who came to you as soon as he got here and you're my fiancé now. This is not a coincidence.”

 

At that moment, a car stopped in front of my building and I realized it was a taxi. "I'm going to spend the night at my sister's house. We'll talk tomorrow."

 

His tone was cold, but no less broken. That farewell bothered me. He gave me a kiss on the forehead and left.

 

[-]

 

For a moment I stood there in front of the door, thinking about the time I sat on the steps of Brian's stairs smoking something to wait for him to finish fucking someone. Or when I needed to leave the house as soon as I arrived because he had just started something with some new trick.

 

They were bitter memories. They made my chest quiver. The door swung open and there he was in front of me, looking at me strangely.

 

“Where's the guy?”

 

“He’s left. And his name is Matthew. " I unconsciously looked for signs of a fuck there, but I could only smell marijuana. It seems they had just smoked together and the way Elio smiled weakly at me, thrown on the couch, announced that he would not leave that night.

 

"Problems in paradise?" He asked wryly, and I threw myself at Elio's side, taking a drag on the smoke.

 

“Fuck you, Brian. You had to ruin things, didn’t you? It's what you always do, after all.” My tone was a bit bitter, but it was not as if I could help it.

 

He looked at me without saying anything for a while, laughing his weird way. I knew I was exaggerating. I was putting my frustrations on him. He was not totally guilty, it was not all his idea to have talked about the past in the first place.

 

"Look, don’t take that shit on me, okay? It's not my fault if your fiancé is insecure. I'm leaving, I need to find someone to fuck." He left faster than Matthew and I unconsciously ran after him.

 

“Wait! Brian ... I'm sorry, okay? I know it wasn’t your fault. I'm an idiot. We both are, by the way. We always were.” I put my hands in my pockets, wanting to hug him and felt tears wet my eyes.

 

He sighed, noticing me shiver and hugged me, shielding me from the cold. We stood there for a few seconds until I decided to speak.

 

"We're not doing this, are we? We're not ... Trying to rescue something from the past and all that fucking thing again, is not it? Matt's an idiot sometimes and I know... But for a moment, I was afraid he was right.” I wiped my face, sniffling and feeling my nose throb in the cold.

 

He put his hands on both sides of my head. “Stop all this bullshit. All that matters now is the present, and I did not come back to take you on a white horse to my castle and blablabla. You don’t remember? We’re together because we want to be. That goes for this relationship now too.”

 

“Okay.”

 

But then he kissed me. It was fast, it was intense, it was confusing and I was a mess. His tongue wrapped mine in mastery, just like old times. We still fit together like we were meant for each other and it scared me. My hands ran through his hair and he sucked at my tongue as if he needed it to breathe.

 

"But what the hell..." I exclaimed as he walked away, already moving away to a nearby cab. I wanted to scream for him to come back and explain it to me, but what am I supposed to say? "Friends don’t kiss like that?"

 

Brian was going crazy, it was the only explanation. Contradicting himself in his own words? This was not Brian. Should have said, "I'm engaged in a monogamous relationship, can not we do that?"

 

Matthew really was right. I really needed to think and I had a lot to think about.

 

I needed to understand once and for all what he had to deal with at that moment, and finally make some decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! So, what do you guys think of Elio? What will Matthew do? And why did Brian kiss Justin? Remember, Brian Kinney never does what he doesn't want to do ...
> 
> Thank you again to kari, my beta that does a great job. You're an angel, thank you for helping me get better and better.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm Dani Swan and I'm from Brazil, so, I'm sorry for any mistake, I promise go better in next chapters. Thank you for reading! Hope u enjoy :]


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